Humour - Dad at Comedy Barn

This is very funny :)
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Military Podcasts

I've almost finished listening to the pod casts that you can download from the UK Defence Academy site, so I have been casting around to see what else there is out there. I immediately came across another Blog web site called Military History Podcast. Well worth a look.
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Joke - WICOE

WICOE
(Women In Charge Of Everything)

Is proud to announce the opening of its EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN! OPEN TO MEN ONLY, ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation.

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS ?
Roundtable discussion.

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics).

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES ?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum


DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN ?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS ?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available



We always hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!


1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday football. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. When we come home from the pub after an all day session we are tired - not drunk. Drinking is labour intensive and requires a huge amount of concentration.

1. We are never looking at the barmaids breasts. We are just wondering how lovely her dress would look on you.

1. We never look for porn on the internet. It is stumbled upon when looking for websites such as:
www.buyyourwifesomethingspecial.com
www.greatcleaningtipsformen.com
www.ballroomdancingskillsformen.com
www.flowersforromance.com

1. When we tidy or clean the house the expression 'man tidy' is good enough. So what you can run your finger through an inch of dust on top of the wardrobe - who goes there anyway.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you ask 'Does my bum look big in this?'. You KNOW we're lying when we say 'of course not honey, you could be mistaken for Kate Moss's twin sister'.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..... and NOT ever during Match of the Day.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Saturday afternoon is for football NOT shopping. It is a recognised religion and we DO have to drink beer whilst watching our favourite team.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as favourite beers, breasts, football or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. Please don't expect conversation re the potential house move, the leaking tap, the new dress etc whilst we are concentrating on lovemaking. It puts us off and makes the chore last longer than necessary.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Shopping is not a pleasure. It is man torture.
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The Passenger - Video Short

This is excellent :)
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ZZ Top - Rough Boy

Nothing to do with wargaming, but a classic song and video.
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New Vehicles For Company Of Heroes

As I've mentioned before, I'm a huge fan of the Company Of Heroes Blitzkreig Mod (that can be downloaded for free). A small team of incredibly dedictaed enthusiasts, just keep making this great game even better and better. Details of three new vehicles that are about to be included in the latest patch (due out any day) have sufaced on the web, along with the following three short videos on U-Tube.
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Nashorn

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Grille

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Sd251/22

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Eurofighter Typhoon Guided Tour

I saw part of the Typhoon display at RIAT last week. A very impressive aircraft, only the the F22 Raptor being better IMHO. Stumbled across this guided tour video about the Typhoon on military.com. It's worth a quick look if your interested in aircraft. Link
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F22 Raptor At Fairford

Made it to the Royal International Air Tattoo (RIAT) at RAF Fairford on Thursday. I was fortunate enough to see (and video) the display by the United States Air Force (USAF) F22 Raptor. A quite amazing plane.
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Flying Car

I really really want one of these :-)
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The Terrafugia Transition, a light aircraft that can convert into a road-legal automobile, is to go into production after being given a special weight exemption by the US Federal Aviation Administration. Link
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WWII: The Battle of Britain | Memories of 'Britain's finest hour'

This is quite an article on the BBC web site.
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In this collection of programmes and documents, we hear from some of the battle's heroes, see the Spitfire and Hawker Hurricane fighter planes in action and discover why the Battle of Britain should always be remembered.

Veyron regains fastest car title

Absouletely nothing to do with wargaming, but important nonetheless !! :-)
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Bugatti's Veyron has reclaimed the title of world's fastest supercar. A new version of the vehicle, called the Super Sport, hit 268mph at Volkswagen's test track in Ehra-Leissien, Germany. The Veyron's previous record of 253mph was broken in 2007 by the American SSC Ultimate Aero which reached 256mph. Link
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A day in the life of a Royal Navy warship

Final preparations are under way for UK Armed Forces Day on Saturday and the Type 23 warship HMS Kent, one of the busiest in the Royal Navy, is the centrepiece of the event in Cardiff. The BBC's Colette Hume joined the ship in the English Channel to see what life is like on board. Link
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Winston Churchill 'agonised' over finest hour speech, papers reveal

To many, it was Winston Churchill’s finest hour. The address he made to the British nation as it stood alone against the Nazi war machine is one of the most celebrated speeches in history.
Full of passion and Shakespearesque language, his appeal for fortitude and courage was credited with re-galvanising the country in its darkest hour.
But a new examination of his papers shows how he agonised over every famous phrase – even adding one at the last minute. Link
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In pictures: Summer solstice

The longest day of the year today, the summer solstice...Link
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Simon's Cat - 'Snow Business'

Just spotted on U-Tube that Simon Tofield has done another animation about his cat. Fabulous ! :)
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Locations Britain's greatest myths and legends - Slideshow

Here is a link to the Telegraph web site that has an excellent slide show showing the locations of many of Britain's greatest myths and legends. Link
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Humour

OLD AGE

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you
determine whether or not an older person should be put in
an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the
bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the
bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" he said "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you
want a bed near the window?"

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40 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again ; I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.....
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'Roman gladiators' link to York skeleton find

The mystery of 1,800-year-old remains unearthed in York may have been solved thanks to bite and hammer marks on their decapitated skulls. Archaeologists have exhumed 80 skeletons from gardens at Driffield Terrace over the past decade. The results of forensic work on the skeletons suggests they may be part of the world's only well-preserved Roman gladiator cemetery. See the BBC web site for more on this topic. I found this quite interesting as I used to live only 20 miles away in a town called Knaresborough.
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Company Of Heroes - Blitzkrieg Mod - Version 2

For a Company Of Heroes fans here's a quick heads-up. A new version of the Blitzkrig Mod has been released, Version 2.0
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Follow this link to the Relic News Comminity Forum, and go to message 3601 for more details and options on how to download it.
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The unseen photographs that throw new light on the First World War

This is fascinating article with some great photos on the Independent web site.
"A treasure trove of First World War photographs was discovered recently in France. Published here for the first time, they show British soldiers on their way to the Somme. But who took them? And who were these Tommies marching off to die?
By John Lichfield". Link
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Robin Hood - Film

Went to see the latest take on the Robin Hood story on Monday. Directed by Ridley Scott and starring Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchett the film is just over two hours long. For the wargamer there is much to enjoy in this film, and provided you don't take it too seriously you should be well entertained. Four stars out five.
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Lost army finally found after 2,500 years

This is an interesting link about a vanished Persian Army. Bones, jewelry and weapons found in Egyptian desert may be the remains of Cambyses' army that vanished 2,500 years ago. Link
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More Jokes

What is Celibacy?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances. While attending a Marriage Renewal Weekend, Bill and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other..."

He then addressed the men, 'Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower?'

Bill leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and whispered, 'It's Tesco's self-raising isn't it?'

And thus began Bill's life of celibacy...

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Sweet Tea (For all you male chauvinists out there)

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten Black and Blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
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The War Over Plunder: Who Owns Art Stolen in War?

Check out a fascinating article on the Historynet.com web site all about plunder in war. A highly recommended read. Link
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Joke - 'What Is Politics ?'

Whether Conservative, Liberal or Labour , I think you'll get you'll like this!
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A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny..

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the
Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit !'
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Profile: 3 Rifles Battlegroup

They incurred losses on a scale not seen in the British army for half a century. Now the 3 Rifles battlegroup has paraded along Edinburgh's Royal Mile before loved ones grateful both for their sacrifices and to have them back home. The troops were deployed to Helmand Province in October 2009 and, in a six-month tour, incurred no fewer than 30 deaths from among their ranks. It represents the heaviest casualties suffered by a British army battlegroup since the Korean war. Link to BBC news
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It must be a great relief for the families to have the men back home after such a tough tour. Salute to them all.
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Jagdtiger

The Panzerjäger Tiger Ausf. B Jagdtiger (Sd. Kfz. 186) was a German tank destroyer (self-propelled antitank gun) Jagdpanzer of World War II. It saw service from late 1944 to the end of the war on both the Western Front and Eastern Front. The Jagdtiger was the heaviest armored fighting vehicle to see service during World War II.
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I thought I'd read all there was to read about this vehicle in various books and postings on the web , then I happened on the wikipedia posting and how it performed in combat... Link
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The Five Worst Army Men Of All Time

Over at The Poop, the San Francisco Chronicle’s baby blog, Peter Hartlaub makes a list of the worst plastic Army men. After his own kid discovers toy soldiers at the playground, his wife lets Peter pull out the politically incorrect soldiers from his own childhood and quickly gets around to one of life’s great questions: “Why did toy manufacturers produce such a half-assed fake military force?” Link
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Salute 2010

I had planned to go to SALUTE last weekend, but family stuff got in the way. For those like myself we couldn't make it, but want to see who was there and what was on offer, check out this link which has just a great selection of photos from the event. Link. Perhaps next year I'll eventually make it there...
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How to get a six-pack - and is it worth it?

This is quite amausing article about the proverbal 'six pack'. Worth a read and a chuckle. Link
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Alien Prequel !

Just seen the news that Ridley Scott is to make a 3D Alien prequel film !!! Awesome ! BBC News Link.
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War Of The Roses Campaign

A friend of mine from the Huntingdon club has invited me to join in a short War of The Roses campaign he's going to run. It sounds like fun, and although (like any true wargamer) I have a mountain of unpainted figures, I've just gone and invested in a bunch more. To be precise I've just bought four boxes of Perry Plastics for £55 from a company called Warlord Games. Given that each box contains 40 figures, that's 120 men ! Now that's what I call good value for money.
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Panther Tank

Check this intersting site out all about the 'Military Vehicle Technology Foundation'. They have links to some interesting vids on U-Tube, including this one about the restored 'Jacques Littlefield' Panther. Link
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Plans for Austria's Nazi-era towers spark controversy

This is quite an interesting article about six huge anti-aircraft towers scattered through Vienna, a grim reminder of the city's Nazi past. Link to BBC
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Yorkshireman (Joke)

A London lawyer and a Yorkshireman are sitting next to each other on a long flight to Leeds.

The lawyer is thinking that Yorkshire men are all 'cloth cap and clogs' and that he can fool them easily...

So the lawyer asks if the Yorkshireman would like to play a fun game.

The Yorkshireman is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun.

'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only £5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you £500.'

As may be expected, this catches the Yorkshireman's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?'

The Yorkshireman doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-pound note, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the Yorkshireman's turn.

He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'

The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all the references he knows. He uses the air-phone; he searches the Net and even the British Library. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After over an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes up the Yorkshireman and hands him £500. The Yorkshireman pockets the £500 and goes straight back to sleep.

The lawyer is going crazy not knowing the answer. He wakes the Yorkshireman up and asks, 'Well! What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

The Yorkshireman says "Buggered if I know!",reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer £5 and goes back to sleep.

Don't mess with Yorkshiremen; we only talk different.

Pigeon: Impossible

My brother sent me this link to an outstanding little video on U-Tube. The story line is that a rookie secret agent is faced with a problem seldom covered in basic training: what to do when a curious pigeon gets trapped inside your multi-million dollar, government-issued nuclear briefcase. Link

1/300th Micro-Tank Game (Unusual Force Mix)

Last week an old friend of mine (Steve) was having a clear out, and very kindly passed over to me around 50 1/300th buildings that he thought my son and I might like to add to our collection. This was a great excuse to dig out some other terrain and a bunch of vehicles.
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My (7 year old son) who was in charge of proceedings laid the table out, and picked the force mix, which as you may have spotted was modern South African and Swedish taking on WW2 Germans !
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In the following game (using his rules) the Germans (played by myself) were throughly routed ! LOL :)
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Top 10 Low Pass Jet Flybys

You can't beat a low fast pass by a Jet aircraft ! This is a link to a great compilation video on Military.com :)

Leonardo: An early Dr Strangelove?

Was the great Florentine artist and scientist who painted the Last Supper, designed the legendary Sforza horse and did the first great studies of human anatomy also a sinister military genius whose inventions caused horrible deaths in the wars of sixteenth century Europe? Read this article on the BBC News Today site to find out more. Link
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Battletech At The Harrogate Club

My father-in-law sadly passed away two weeks ago, and the Vulture household has been in a state of turmoil since then. Up north in Harrogate for the funeral last week, there was little opportunity or inclination to do any gaming. That said, on the Thursday evening I dropped into the Harrogate Club and met up with three old friends who had rather than playing their normal fare of Flames Of War (that I'm not very familiar with) had organised a 4 Mech aside 3025 era Battletech bash. Teamed up with Theo, I had a Shadowhawk and a Quickdraw, he had an Atlas and Assassin. Our opponents John and Chris has two Crusaders, a Thunderbolt and an Ostrock.
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I used to play a huge amount of Battletech, although I've only had about 2 proper games in the last seven years. I was initially a little rusty on the rules, however it soon came flooding back, and I barely had to refer to the QR sheet.
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In what was an entertain little battle, we eventually ran out of time, having lost two mechs per side, the game to continue next week. There is no doubt Battletech although now quite an old game system, is still a very elegant one, and perfectly suited to playing on a club night. As an aside, my opinion of Shadowhawks hasn't changed after that game. They are still a under-weaponed piece of junk ! :)
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On board the RAF's Nimrod

This is quite an interesting little video.
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The RAF is bidding farewell to the Nimrod MR2 aircraft at its Kinloss base. It is due to be replaced operationally by the MRA4 in the autumn of 2012. The BBC's James Cook went on board to find out what the MR2 offered the RAF and why it is no longer needed. Link to BBC
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Necromunda Resource

Necromunda is a game I've only played once (many years ago), and I've been toying with the idea of buying a set off E-Bay. I was pleasantly surprised to find that there is a rather good Necromunda rescource page on the Games Workshop webs site - worth checking out. It's possible to download the main rule book ! It is not possibel to link directly to it, but if you go to the main GW site, and type in Necromunda Resources into the search box, it should take you staright to it.
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KINGFISHERS IN ACTION - SLIDESHOW

Nothing to do with wargaming this, but I saw this outstanding slideshow of Kingfishers In Action taken by a very talented guy called Joe Petersburger and thought I'd post a link.
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Predators Trailer

This looks totally excellent :) Can't wait !
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Avalanches And The Military

I found this fascinating article in THE TIMES (UK edition) on 24 Feb, and felt it was worth sharing.
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The deadliest avalanches in history have been in Italy, during the the First World War. The western battlefronts stretched across the Alps into the Tyrol region, where the Austrian and Italian armies faced each other in sever weather winters. "Some had ice on their faces: the conducting office said that three or four of them were frozen to death nightly," wrote one British officer visiting the Italian lines.
Avalanches were another threat. "Entire platoons were hit, smothered, buried without a trace, without a cry, with no other sound than the one made by the gigantic white mass itself," described an observer. One of the worst was in December 1916, when an intense snowfall storm dropped huge snowfalls followed by days of avalanches. About 10,000 soldiers were killed as whole companies of men, guns and animals were buried.
Some historians believe than avalanches were set off deliberately using artillery fire,a although the risks to the attacking side would have been suicidal. Over the war about 60,000 soldiers died in the avalanches - a third of all deaths in the higher parts of the Alps battlefront. Even today, the bodies of soldiers are revealed in thawing glaciers and snowfields.
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Here's a link to some more info on this subject.

Massive VBIED Explosion

A recent video on U-Tube shows an impressive Vehicle Born Improvised Explosive Device (VBIED) going off in Iraq. Everyone likes big explosions, provided of course no one is hurt ! :)
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Company of Heroes Blitzkrieg mod

Another Company of Heroes Blitzkrieg mod update is available. We are now up to version 1700. My son and I have been playing lots of this recently. The additions in the tech-tree and extra vehicles that are available, make this a 'must try' for any CoH enthusiast.

You can find it on post 3300 on this page.
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News Link - Hadrian's Wall 'line of light'

Hadrian's Wall has been lit from end to end by a team of 500 volunteers holding flaming torches.

The "line of light" followed an 84-mile (135km) national walking trail that shadows the route of the Roman wall spanning northern England.

Link to BBC
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I'd have loved to have been involved in that.

Joke - 'GOTTA PEE'

Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought She would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them..

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.

The next day, the husband of one of the women was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said:
"These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.. My wife came home with no panties!!"

"That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said.....

'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.' "

Walker - Modular Weapon Fit

You may have seen the 'Gatling Walker' on one of my previous postings. I've took the next logical step a little while back and made up a variety of weapons than can be fitted.

My person favorite is the anti-armour config with the huge railgun ! It's so OTT ! LOL
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