Joke - WICOE

WICOE
(Women In Charge Of Everything)

Is proud to announce the opening of its EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN! OPEN TO MEN ONLY, ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation.

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS ?
Roundtable discussion.

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics).

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES ?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum


DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN ?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS ?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available



We always hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!


1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday football. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. When we come home from the pub after an all day session we are tired - not drunk. Drinking is labour intensive and requires a huge amount of concentration.

1. We are never looking at the barmaids breasts. We are just wondering how lovely her dress would look on you.

1. We never look for porn on the internet. It is stumbled upon when looking for websites such as:
www.buyyourwifesomethingspecial.com
www.greatcleaningtipsformen.com
www.ballroomdancingskillsformen.com
www.flowersforromance.com

1. When we tidy or clean the house the expression 'man tidy' is good enough. So what you can run your finger through an inch of dust on top of the wardrobe - who goes there anyway.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you ask 'Does my bum look big in this?'. You KNOW we're lying when we say 'of course not honey, you could be mistaken for Kate Moss's twin sister'.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..... and NOT ever during Match of the Day.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Saturday afternoon is for football NOT shopping. It is a recognised religion and we DO have to drink beer whilst watching our favourite team.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as favourite beers, breasts, football or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. Please don't expect conversation re the potential house move, the leaking tap, the new dress etc whilst we are concentrating on lovemaking. It puts us off and makes the chore last longer than necessary.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Shopping is not a pleasure. It is man torture.
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