Humour

OLD AGE

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you
determine whether or not an older person should be put in
an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the
bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the
bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" he said "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you
want a bed near the window?"

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40 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again ; I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.....
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More Jokes

What is Celibacy?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances. While attending a Marriage Renewal Weekend, Bill and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other..."

He then addressed the men, 'Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower?'

Bill leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and whispered, 'It's Tesco's self-raising isn't it?'

And thus began Bill's life of celibacy...

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Sweet Tea (For all you male chauvinists out there)

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten Black and Blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
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