Friday Humour - Dog

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?'

'My wife's.'

'What happened to her?'

The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her'

He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'

The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

'Can I borrow the dog?'

The man replied, 'Get in line.'
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Stalin Line Military Complex, Belaru

This is quite a jaw dropping article, well worth a read. Link
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Video - 'A Short Trip Out'

Such a nice September afternoon here in the UK (although a bit windy), took the CCKW truck out for couple of runs. Made a short video of the first one :)
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F-15 Ejection at Supersonic Speed

“People don’t understand what wind does to someone at that speed.”
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This is worth watching guys, make you think...
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SAS war diary: The SAS secret hidden since World War II

A secret World War II diary of the British special forces unit, the SAS, has been kept hidden since it was created in 1946. Now it's being published for the first time to mark the 70th anniversary of the regiment. The BBC has exclusive access to the remarkable piece of history. Link
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Friday Humour, Early - "HELL EXPLAINED" +"AN EVENTFUL MARRIAGE"

HELL EXPLAINED

BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.


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Manual for an Eventful Marriage

Chapter 1 – 101 Ways to Start a Fight
- The first 10.
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One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....
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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'. So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. It was always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush and said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
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My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and then I discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed….. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office... She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...
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My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started....
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Sherman Tank With Concrete Armour

Whilst browsing the Historic Military Vehicle (HMV) forums I came across this thread about Sherman tanks with several inches of concrete being applied to the hull front. I've never read or seen anything about this before. Link
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Here's an intersting little article comparing the new Space Marine computer game with the 40k figure game. Link
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Here's the trailer for those who haven't seen it yet.
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My son has a copy for the X-Box, graphically its pretty stunning. As for game play, the jury is still out as far as I'm concerned. Need to see youngster playing it some more.
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Scimitar Tank Upgrade

Saw this article about the Scimiar, and was impressed with how 'tooled up' such a small vehicle can be.
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The Scimitar Mark 2 Combat Vehicle Reconnaissance (Tracked) has gone operational on Operation HERRICK 14 and is currently being used by the 9th/12th Royal Lancers in Lash Durai Junction, Helmand province [Picture: Petty Officer (Photographer) Hamish Burke, Crown Copyright/MOD 2011]

The up-armoured vehicles are giving extra protection to the soldiers of the 9th/12th Royal Lancers, as they provide security in the Nahr-e Saraj (North) district of Helmand province.

The main task of the 9th/12th Royal Lancers is to overwatch the battlespace either side of Highways 1 and 611, the two main supply routes that run through the Task Force Helmand area of operations.

BAE Systems has upgraded the armour on all five vehicles that make up the CVR(T) family - Scimitar, Spartan, Samson, Sultan and Samaritan - through an Urgent Operational Requirement process worth around £30m. CVR(T) is on display in the UK for the first time this week at the DSEi defence and security equipment show, currently taking place in London.

As part of the contract, the vehicles have been re-hulled to give better mine-blast protection for troops, and improved armour added for enhanced resistance to blasts and ballistics, as well as new mine-blast protection seating in every position in every variant. Other enhancements include repositioned foot controls and a revamped fuel system.

The Scimitar Mark 2 has been re-hulled and up-armoured for improved protection from blasts and projectiles, with repositioned foot controls and a revamped fuel system for a better driving experience [Picture: Petty Officer (Photographer) Hamish Burke, Crown Copyright/MOD 2011]

Scimitar Mark 2 builds on a number of upgrades that have previously been made to the CVR(T), which address the problems experienced while operating in the harsh Afghan environment. These previous upgrades have included improved power output, new gearboxes and transmissions, air-conditioning, improved communications, air filters and night-vision systems.
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M10 Achilles Restoration

Came across this thread on the Historic Military vehicle forum about an M10 Achilles tank destroyer undergoing restoration. What an amazing job they did of it. Link. Awesome turn of speed on it as well ! Check out the vid below !
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Hitler's Atlantic Wall: Should France preserve it?

Sections of Hitler's Atlantic Wall are being restored by French enthusiasts. But should the Nazi fortification be fully embraced as part of the country's heritage ? Check out the BBC web site for an interesting article on this. Link
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Death Of Andy Whitfield

Slightly gutted today to hear that Andy Whitfield (39) who was the lead in the first episode of Spartacus died yesterday from Cancer. Link
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Here's a great clip from the show:

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Humour - How To Give A Cat A Pill

Just had this sent to me. As someone who has owned a cat, I recognised a lot of this ! LOL
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How to Give a Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in rightï hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.
Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink beer to take taste away. Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPC A to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
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35 Top Oxymoron's

35. State worker
34. Legally drunk
33. Exact estimate
32. Act naturally
31. Found missing
30. Resident alien
29. Genuine imitation
28. Airline Food
27. Good grief
26. Government organization
25. Sanitary landfill
24. Alone together
23. Small crowd
22. Business ethics
21. Soft rock
20. Butt Head
19. Military Intelligence
18. Sweet sorrow
17. Rural Metro (ambulance service)
16. "Now, then ..."
15. Passive aggression
14. Clearly misunderstood
13. Peace force
12. Extinct Life
11. Plastic glasses
10. Terribly pleased
9. Computer security
8. Political science
7. Tight slacks
6. Definite maybe
5. Pretty ugly
4. Rap music
3. Working vacation
2. Religious tolerance

And the number one top Oxymoron.... 1. Microsoft Works
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PC Game - Hard Reset

Followed a link this weekend that ended up with me downloading a Demo of a game called 'Hard Reset'. Graphically it is stunning, and the environment reminds me very much of the Blade Runner film. Worth checking out: Link

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Busy Weekend On The Military Truck

Since my last posting about the CCKW 352 on 26 Aug, this last weekend has been quite a productive one on it. I picked up the overhauled Generator and Regulator and refitted them (and the battery is now charging), fitted a new front brake hose (not without some stress it has to be said), and started on a refresh of the paintwork. I'd counted six different shades of grey on the truck and parts of it looked a real mess, so I invested in 5 Litres of RAL 7040 Grey paint from Ketts Autopaints in Peterbrough (which cost a small fortune) and we set to work on Saturday with a small roller and paint brushes. I've still a few bits to do, but overall I'm very happy with the results thus far.
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Wreck Diving the Mysterious Ghost Fleet of Truk Lagoon

Truk Lagoon, known as Chuuk – a group of tropical paradise islands in the Federal States of Micronesia – offers adrenaline-junky scuba divers a cool yet creepy underwater adventure in shark-infested Pacific waters while wreck diving the mysterious Ghost Fleet of Truk Lagoon. More than 50 major shipwrecks from WWII litter the seabed, making the undersea wonder of the world the best shipwreck diving destination on the globe. There are some awesome photos on this site - Link.
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Tomb found at Stonehenge quarry site

The tomb for the original builders of Stonehenge could have been unearthed by an excavation at a site in Wales. Link to the BBC web site.
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