Humour - Glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

The exchange between Churchill &; Lady Astor:
She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.”
He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

A Member of Parliament to Disraeli:
“Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” - Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” - Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend … if you have one.” - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second … if there is one.” - Winston Churchill, in response.

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” - Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” - Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” - Paul Keating

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily..” - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” - Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts … for support rather than illumination.” - Andrew Lang (1844 – 1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” - Billy Wilder “I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.” - Groucho Marx

THE BATTLE OF GAUGAMELA

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MY COMBAT STORY by Clarence Smoyer

This is a fascinating read, highly recommended: Link.  The recollections of Clarence Smoyer as his time as a crewman in a M26 Perishing tank during WW2.
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Guard

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Comment:  This is excellent :)
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Friday Humour - Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!   There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

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PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

T he second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited...

'Last' WW2 Tiger tank to be used in Brad Pitt film

Chaps, just seen this on the BBC web site. Link Can't wait for the film to come out :)
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A World War Two Tiger tank - thought to be the last of its type in working order - is being loaned to the makers of the latest Brad Pitt film. The star has been shooting scenes for the action movie Fury around the village of Shirburn in Oxfordshire. The German tank was restored by experts at the Tank Museum in Bovington, Dorset, where it is usually on display. Museum director Richard Smith said it was "one of the the most feared weapons unleashed by the Nazis". He said it had a "formidable reputation and could destroy an enemy tank from over 2km away". Curator David Willey said: "The Tiger was restored so that the public could fully appreciate what a truly fearsome machine it would have been during battle. "Now for the first time countless numbers of people will have the opportunity to see a genuine Tiger in a contemporary war film." Remembrance apology He described it as "a unique piece of military heritage" and said its time on set would be "carefully managed and overseen by a group of museum workshop staff". Another tank from the Bovington museum, its Sherman M4E8, also features in the film.
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GZG 8 Wheeled MLRS

Further to my posting on 12 Nov, I've now assembled the vehicle and given it a base coat of grey primer.  I've slightly modified it by adding a HMG (or equivalent) just above the drivers station to provide some close in self-defence capability, along with a small ball sensor at the back.  I've secured the MLRS in place with a rare earth magnet.  This will also make it easier to re-role the vehicle to use in other roles, such as AA or AT.
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Been Spending On 15mm Sci-Fi Again

Spotted a new version of the series of 8 wheeled vehicles that Ground Zero Games (GZG) manufacture.   This one has a Multiple Rocket Launcher on the back.  Couldn't resist it, so purchased on Sunday over the Internet, and it came today in the post :)
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The Iron Harvest

Mustard gas blisters and a daily risk of death: Bravery of soldiers still clearing the 'iron harvest' of World War I shells from beneath Flanders' fields Read more:  Link
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Remembrance Sunday

Here in the UK it's been Remembrance Sunday when all over the country people attend services and parades to remember those affected by conflict.  Myself I bought the biggest poppy I could lay my hands on and fastened it to the front of the CCKW.

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Talking of which, with winter just round the corner I decided that this year I'll strip the back down and put the canvas and seat woodwork into store.  Here's a couple of photos.

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As you can see from the lengthening shadows (above) I was running out of time, so for the moment the seats are still in, and will have to wait until another day.
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Flames of War Company Builder - Easy Army.com

Found another Flames of War unit creation site called Easy Army.com Link  A labour of love it has been,  putting it all together.

Spitfire 944

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Comment:  Worth watching.  In 2005, an 83 year-old World War II pilot is surprised to see 16mm footage of his 1944 Spitfire crash for the first time.
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Friday Humour

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

'What was that for?' he asked.

'That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,' she replied.
 'Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,' he explained.
 'Oh darling, I'm sorry,' she said. 'I should have known there was a good explanation.'
 Three days later he was watching TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with a frying pan, which knocked him out cold.

When he came to, he asked, 'What was that for?'
 'Your horse phoned...'

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Pensioner's reply re Tesco

Didn't like shopping there anyway. Yesterday I was at my local TESCO’ store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?  So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot Diet again. 
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.  I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. 
I'm now banned from TESCO’. 
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say...