Vulture's Wargaming Blog

WW II Beer Flights

2012-01-31T05:19:00.002Z

In the lighter moments of World War II, the Spitfire was used in an unorthodox role: bringing beer kegs to the men in Normandy .
During the war, the Heneger and Constable brewery donated free beer to the troops. After D-Day, supplying the invasion troops in Normandy with vital supplies was already a challenge. Obviously, there was no room in the logistics chain for such luxuries as beer or other types of refreshments. Some men, often called "sourcers", were able to get wine or other niceties "from the land" or rather from the locals. RAF Spitfire pilots came up with an even better idea.The Spitfire Mk IX was an evolved version of the Spitfire, with pylons under the wings for bombs or tanks. It was discovered that the bomb pylons could also be modified to carry beer kegs. According to pictures that can be found, various sizes of kegs were used. Whether the kegs could be jettisoned in case of emergency is unknown. If the Spitfire flew high enough, the cold air at altitude would even refresh the beer, making it ready for consumption upon arrival.A variation of this was a long range fuel tank modified to carry beer instead of fuel.
The modification even received the official designation Mod. XXX. Propaganda services were quick to pick up on this, which probably explains the "official" designation.

Mod. XXX tank being filled.
As a result, Spitfires equipped with Mod XXX or keg-carrying pylons were often sent back to Great-Britain for "maintenance" or "liaison" duties. They would then return to Normandy with full beer kegs fitted under the wings.Typically, the British Revenue of Ministry and Excise stepped in, notifying the brewery that they were in violation of the law by exporting beer without paying the relevant taxes. It seems that Mod. XXX was terminated then, but various squadrons found different ways to refurbish their stocks. Most often, this was done with the unofficial approval of higher echelons.In his book "Dancing in the Skies", Tony Jonsson, the only Icelander pilot in the RAF, recalled beer runs while he was flying with 65 Squadron. Every week a pilot was sent back to the UK to fill some cleaned-up drop tanks with beer and return to the squadron. Jonsson hated the beer runs as every man on the squadron would be watching you upon arrival. Anyone who made a rough landing and dropped the tanks would be the most hated man on the squadron for an entire week.

The Spitfire had very little ground clearance with the larger beer kegs. In his book "Typhoon Pilot", Desmond Scott also recalls Typhoon drop tanks filled with beer but regretted that it acquired a metallic taste.Less imaginative techniques involved stashing bottles wherever space could be found on the aircraft, which included the ammunition boxes, luggage compartment or even in parts of the wing, with varying results. Champagne bottles in particular did not react well to the vibrations they were submitted to during such bootlegging trips.

F-35B on the USS Wasp

2012-01-29T22:55:00.000Z

Some very cool footage here of the new F-35B (Lightning II) doing trial take-off and landings on the USS Wasp. The sheer size of the door that opens above the lift fan is the thing that surprised me the most. --

King Tiger Video

2012-01-28T08:49:00.002Z

Stumbled across some more video of the only working King Tiger (or Tiger II) taken at the French museum 'Musée des Blindésat' at Saumur. Never been there myself, but its definitely a place I'd like to visit.--

Raymond Aubrac: How I tricked the Gestapo

2012-01-28T08:35:00.003Z

The capture of French Resistance hero Jean Moulin is one of the country's darkest chapters of the war. The last surviving Resistance leader, Raymond Aubrac, recalls that night and the audacious escape that followed. Link-

Broadband Speed Test

2012-01-23T23:57:00.001Z

Nothing to do with gaming or the main subject of this blog, but I thought I'd share this link with you to a good Broadband Speed Test site that I use to monitor what speeds I'm getting.

HMS Victory 'set to be recovered' from seabed

2012-01-23T09:01:00.001Z

The remains of a 300-year-old warship are to be raised from the sea bed, according to reports.The wreck of HMS Victory, a predecessor of Nelson's famous flagship, was found near the Channel Islands in 2008. Link to BBC web site.

MVT Area Meeting + Truck Problem

2012-01-22T16:03:00.001Z

The MVT Area meeting I wrote about on the 12th Jan went ahead, and was quite a success I feel with 26 (including myself) turning up. Ratified a constitution and talked about forthcoming events (shows and the like) along with ideas for a 'Spring Run' out in our vehicles. Talking of which the group owns a real mix, with a varied range of Jeeps, CCKWs, Motorbikes, Landrovers, FV432s, and some ex Warsaw Pact Russian stuff.On a personal note when I last took the truck out it didn't warm up at all, so, suspecting a problem with the Thermostat, I bought a replacement one this last week along with a new top hose.Attempting to fit it this weekend, I discovered why the truck has been running cold in this cold weather.... there was no Thermostat fitted !!! :( The question gentlemen, is why....? Currently seeking advise from those in the know on the HMV Forum, as the new thermostat doesn't seem to fit very well, and I don't want to bolt the Thermostat Bell Housing down until I've sussed things out.

Inside story of the UK's secret mission to beat Gaddafi

2012-01-21T21:06:00.003Z

British efforts to help topple Colonel Gaddafi were not limited to air strikes. On the ground - and on the quiet - special forces soldiers were blending in with rebel fighters. This is the previously untold account of the crucial part they played. Link

Take Your Daughter to Work Day

2012-01-17T20:56:00.002Z

This is brilliant !

Church Ladies With Typewriters

2012-01-17T10:29:00.002Z

These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals..
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The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you .
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help .
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs .
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM .
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." ___________________________________

Ship Launches - Good & Bad

2012-01-16T14:57:00.000Z

Some of these are great fun ! Especially the first one ! (if you like getting wet that is)

Falklands veteran meets Argentine 'enemy' 30 years on

2012-01-16T10:37:00.000Z

Thirty years after the Falklands War, a British veteran prepares to travel across the world to meet the Argentine pilot who he shot out of the sky. Link to the BBC.

Tiger Tank - Replica

2012-01-15T08:12:00.003Z

The replica Tiger I tank made made by a (Hungarian ?) company called Rondo-S is quite an astonishing piece of work. This is no conversion of an existing vehicle such as the T34 used in the film Saving Private Ryan, but a bottom-up build of a vehicle to look externally just like the real thing. Awesome ! The company have their own U-Tube channel which is well worth a look. http://www.youtube.com/user/rondos63#g/u--

F16 Low & Fast

2012-01-12T23:30:00.002Z

We like low fast passes, and this is a good one :)--

Inaugural Meeting Of The Huntingdon & District Area of the Military Vehicle Trust (MVT)

2012-01-12T12:31:00.000Z

Regular follows of my ramblings will know I purchased my WW2 CCKW 352 in the end of July last year. At the time I joined the Military Vehicle Trust (MVT), which is as the name suggests, is a club for military vehicle owners/enthusiasts. The Trust has a network of area groups dotted all over the country, however where I live seems to be somewhat of a black spot without a group within easy travelling distance. Anyway, I've stuck my head up above the parapet and started a local group. Our inaugural meeting is 19:30 tonight at the Montague Club in Huntingdon. I sent out 57 letters to people within a 40 mile radius just before X-Mas, and thus far about 20 have responded to say they will be along tonight. It will be interesting to see how many actually turn up...

RAF veteran who flew secret mission told it’s too dangerous to sit in Spitfire

2012-01-10T00:41:00.002Z

A 91-year-old former RAF pilot who flew Spitfires in the Second World War was told he could not sit in one of the fighters at a museum because it was too dangerous. Link-

Battlemech Drawing

2012-01-07T14:33:00.000Z

Back in the early 1990s I used to play a huge amount of Battletech, and one of my gaming circle at that time was a talented artist. As a favour he did this drawing for me of my favourite 3025 era Mech from House Steiner, the Banshee 3S standing triumphant over an Atlas of one my friends, from House Kurita.

For rent: One WWII U-boat bunker

2012-01-07T07:48:00.000Z

Two government authorities are in conflict over a huge World War II submarine bunker near the northern German city-state of Bremen, which is to be rented out for commercial use. Link-

Prometheus - Official Trailer [TRUE HD]

2012-01-02T16:36:00.000Z

Oh my...--

German Tank Factory Vids

2012-01-01T11:58:00.001Z

It never ceases to amaze me what just pops up on U-Tube. The first vid shows PIII and StugIII production, the second shows stills of Tiger Tank assembly. There are some simply massive jigs and fixtures in use.---

Happy New Year

2011-12-31T22:08:00.002Z

I'd like to wish readers of my blog all the best for the coming year.

The 'Best Of' Gun Incidents 2011

2011-12-31T22:05:00.004Z

The 'Best Of' Gun Accidents | Military.com--

CCKW Truck Update

2011-12-29T17:54:00.002Z

Realise I haven't provided a truck update for a bit. I resolved the oil pipe problem by:a) Selling on the new one that didn't fit.b) Taking the old one to Pirtek in Peterborough, who re-used the old end fittings and made me up a new one.-Since then I've also fitted some new cab canvas (top and back of cab), and two new doors. The old canvas doors were so knackered you could not see out of the (what is meant to be) clear plastic windows. Took the truck out to pick youngster up from school, and with the doors fitted, Mrs Vulture and I found it quite cozy:)--

A Merlin helicopter's journey to Afghanistan

2011-12-29T10:56:00.003Z

It is two years since the UK sent the first Merlin helicopters nearly 4,000 miles (6,400km) to Afghanistan. It is too far to fly the RAF helicopter. So, how do they get there? Link-

Firefly

2011-12-28T00:10:00.000Z

Over this X-Mas break Mrs Vulture and I have been re-watching the Firefly series. -

-There is such a lot to like about the series especially for Sci-Fi fans. The spaceship (Serenity) they had for instance, was just a brilliant design. My only gripe is that it was cut short (in its prime). Highly highly recommended viewing.-

How Germany's feared Scharnhorst ship was sunk in WWII

2011-12-26T11:32:00.003Z

On 26 December 1943 one of the great sea battles of World War II took place. Link-

Happy Christmas

2011-12-25T22:34:00.001Z

Just a quick posting to wish all the readers of my blog a happy and stress-free (as possible) Christmas.

Mechwarrior Online

2011-12-24T23:09:00.000Z

All Battletech fans need to be checking out the Mechwarrior Online website. Looks excellent !-

5 Most Mysterious Ghost Ships in History

2011-12-21T10:06:00.001Z

A ghost ship is a vessel that has mysteriously expelled its passengers and crew, refusing to indicate their whereabouts. Though theories such as piracy and mutiny are often used to calm those wary of paranormal explanations, it is hard not to conjure the supernatural or extraterrestrial when contemplating these maritime mysteries - Link-

Battle of the Bulge star Cobra King goes under restoration

2011-12-18T10:23:00.000Z

This is an interesting article about one of the famous Shermans of the Battle of the Bugle. Link-

15mm Sci-Fi Drop Pods

2011-12-17T17:20:00.002Z

You know what is like, you see object and you think, 'wow' that would look great with X figures. Well that is what happened recently here at the Vulture's Roost. Mrs Vulture star that she is, went out and bought two packs of silver drop pods today for my 15mm sci-fi figures from a shop (Dunelm Mill) that (it seems to me) is miss-selling them as salt and pepper pots...-Figures are by Irregular Miniature.-

Ex Soviet Carrier Minsk

2011-12-17T10:41:00.005Z

There are some interesting pictures on this thread on the Historic Military Vehicle Forum, especially of the ex Soviet Carrier Minsk.
http://hmvf.co.uk/forumvb/showthread.php?19928-Travels
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Tiger Tank 131

2011-12-16T19:22:00.002Z

Check out this vid of Tiger 131 being started for the first using the starting handle.
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BLOODHOUND / Intel Atom animation

2011-12-12T10:11:00.000Z

This is quite a cool animation.
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Tank Accidents

2011-12-11T12:14:00.001Z

Some of these would take some recovering !
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Battle Of The Bulge - Rare Photos

2011-12-10T13:47:00.001Z

Came across this quite interesting photo gallery of the Battle Of The Bulge.
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Low wall Space Hulk exhibit

2011-12-10T09:57:00.003Z

Came across this thread showing a home made 'low wall' Space Hulk set. Totally awesome looking it has to be said. Link
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All I Want For Christmas - HMS OCEAN

2011-12-08T22:28:00.000Z

Brilliant !
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Oil Pipe Problem

2011-12-04T20:02:00.004Z

The problem with the oil pipe that meant I had to be recovered last Saturday (Link) continues....
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I ordered a new from Rex Ward who has a huge range of parts in stock, problem is, its a different length from the old one, and won't fit :( (deep sigh).
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The issue is with the truck. When it has had a rebuild at some stage the pipework appears to have been modified. I shall have to get a local company to make me one up.
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Stug III Found

2011-12-03T22:27:00.002Z

Its amazing what there still is out there to be found, and also the great condition it can be in as well. Link
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Hind Helicopter

2011-11-29T20:33:00.005Z

My 9 year old son has been playing quite a bit of Battlefield 2 Special Forces these last few days, and felt inspired tonight to draw his favourite helicopter the Mi25 Hind.
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Rome, Sweet Rome: Could a Single Marine Unit Destroy the Roman Empire ?

2011-11-29T06:34:00.003Z

It was a hypothetical question that became a long online discussion and now a movie in development: Could a small group of heavily armed modern-day Marines take down the Roman Empire at its height? We talked about the debate with James Erwin, the man who scored a movie writing contract based on his online response, and ran the ideas by Roman history expert Adrian Goldsworthy. Read More
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This Was Not In The Plan For The Day !

2011-11-28T23:02:00.005Z

Its fair to say that Saturday wasn't without its stress...

1. New doors I've picked up for the CCKW truck won't fit without me using a crowbar on the body :(

2. A dripping oil leak on the truck, became a flood from a high pressure oil pipe, and I needed to be recovered home :(
(Although on the upside I did save on petrol I suppose)

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3. A container with some oil blew over in the wind and splattered on the neighbours path :(

4. A replacement radio I bought off E-Bay for my 107, doesn't work... Hey, my day was complete !!
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The 'Superbowl' of Machine Gun Shoots

2011-11-28T19:00:00.002Z

Only in America could you own your own 3" anti-tank gun ! Cool ! I want one :)
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HUMOUR - Air Traffic Control

2011-11-28T08:57:00.002Z

Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
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Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet.. How much noise can we make up here?"

Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

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From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."

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A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

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A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.

San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

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A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers."

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One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark -- and I didn't land."

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While taxiing at London 's Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727..

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
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Richard Johnson: Sketches from our front lines - Afghanistan

2011-11-25T16:16:00.001Z

This guy is a brilliant sketch artist. Link
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Russian Bunker

2011-11-25T09:35:00.002Z

This link is worth checking out. This old Russian bunker is simply massive ! Would love to visit it. Link
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Honestly, I've got my membership card here somewhere ...

2011-11-20T16:26:00.006Z

This was too good a picture, not to post :) Click on it to see all of it.
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List of wars and anthropogenic disasters by death toll

2011-11-20T08:24:00.002Z

This is a list of wars and anthropogenic disasters by death toll. It covers the lowest estimate of death as well as the highest estimate, the name of the event, the location, and the start and end of each event. Some events overlap categories. Link

Comment: This casualty listing is quite interesting. Must confess I new knew the Chinese wars had resulted in such a loss of life.
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End Of An Era For Derelict 'A1 Lightning' Fighter Jet

2011-11-17T23:27:00.005Z

Apparently the old Lightning on the A1 is no more :( I wondered what had happened to it... Link
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Here's a (rather poor quality) picture I took of it in 1988.
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Germany's Corpse Hunter Helping the Lost Dead of WWII Rest in Peace

2011-11-15T23:13:00.000Z

During battles at the end of World War II, tens of thousands of soldiers and civilians never got a decent burial. For almost 30 years, one man has been finding these bodies and helping them rest in peace. Link
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War Memorial

2011-11-14T09:05:00.006Z

The family and I attended a short service at the Warboys village war memorial yesterday. Looking at the long list of those who gave their lives during WW1 I reflected that in a small village the deaths of so many will have touched almost everyone.
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Giant poppy installed on Wiltshire hill

2011-11-13T13:21:00.004Z

A 33ft (10m) poppy placed on a hill in Wiltshire to launch the Royal British Legion's Poppy Appeal will appear on the BBC's Countryfile programme. Link
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THE FINAL INSPECTION

2011-11-11T20:37:00.004Z

For ALL those who have died for their country in ANY war..

THE FINAL INSPECTION

The soldier stood and faced God,

Which must always come to pass.

He hoped his shoes were shining,

Just as brightly as his brass.

'Step forward now, you soldier,

How shall I deal with you ?

Have you always turned the other cheek ?

To My Church have you been true ?'

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,

'No, Lord, I guess I ain't.

Because those of us who carry guns,

Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays,

And at times my talk was tough.

And sometimes I've been violent,

Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny,

That wasn't mine to keep...

Though I worked a lot of overtime,

When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,

Though at times I shook with fear.

And sometimes, God, forgive me,

I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place,

Among the people here.

They never wanted me around,

Except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here, Lord,

It needn't be so grand.

I never expected or had too much,

But if you don't, I'll understand.

There was a silence all around the throne,

Where the saints had often trod.

As the soldier waited quietly,

For the judgement of his God.

'Step forward now, you soldier,

You've borne your burdens well.

Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,

You've done your time in Hell.'

Author Unknown~

Thankful villages: The places where everyone came back from the wars

2011-11-11T06:53:00.003Z

The mass slaughter of WW1 1914-18 robbed the UK of a million lives, leaving no part of the country untouched. But there was a tiny handful of settlements where all those who served returned home. Link to the BBC.
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Spitfire redux: The WWII guns firing after 70 years buried in peat

2011-11-10T18:54:00.002Z

An excavation at the site of a 1941 Spitfire crash in a bog in the Irish Republic uncovered huge, remarkably preserved chunks of plane and six Browning machine guns. After 70 years buried in peat could they be made to fire? They certainly could, writes Dan Snow. See the BBC web site for more info. Link
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Tankduels Tali Ihantala 1944

2011-11-09T23:47:00.003Z

There is some excellent footage of StugIIIs in this Finish film clip.
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Military & Flying Machine Show - Photos

2011-11-08T05:12:00.002Z

Futher to my blog posting on 7th Aug about the Military & Flying Machine Show I attended on 6th Aug near Upminster, I finally got round to uploading the a bunch of the photos I took that day. I really do like that Hellcat, if I had the cash I would definately get myself one of those !
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2011 - Upminster Military Vehicle Show in Aug
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Battlemech Storage

2011-11-07T03:40:00.003Z

My son had some of my Battlemechs out recently to play with. Tidying them away last night off one of our collapsable gaming tables (to make room for a game of Space Hulk), I wondered what other people do for storage of their Mechs. Myself I use the following two types of boxes with home-made foam inserts.
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Nazi Landmines Block Egypt's Access to Oil and Gas

2011-11-07T03:32:00.002Z

Egypt is one of the most heavily mined countries in the world. The unexploded ordnance left lying in its desert from World War II battles ranks the country right up there with Afghanistan on this dubious list. Every year, Bedouins and farmers come across unexploded mines and shells, and it's not uncommon for undiscovered bombs to explode amid retrieved scrap metal. Link.
Amazing that this stuff is still lying around !
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Friday Humour - Late

2011-11-06T21:05:00.000Z

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. At no extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
-

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on 'START'…….

BBC History Podcasts

2011-11-05T17:34:00.001Z

There are some really good podcasts to download off the official website of the BBC History Magazine. Well worth checking out. Link
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Russian T70 pulled from a marsh

2011-11-03T18:39:00.001Z

Its quite amazing what gets recovered out of bogs, and how good the condition is !
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GMC 352 Open Cab Half Doors

2011-10-31T22:23:00.003Z

The open cab on the truck is great in the summer, however, when the temperature drops it can get pretty cold to say the least. Visibility with the the full canvas doors on is, to say the least, 'poor', so I've opted for a compromise that a few owners have gone for, and made up some half doors using 5mm thick external plywood. The purists might be offended, however there are pictures around of trucks using them in Normandy 1944, so why not ?
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Still need to organise some hinges, but I'm hoping to get lucky when I go to Northern Military Expo this coming Sunday.
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Should shipwrecks be left alone?

2011-10-31T22:21:00.002Z

It is 10 years since a deal to protect the world's thousands of shipwrecks, but the UK and several other major maritime powers are yet to ratify it. Should this underwater heritage be protected or is it acceptable to plunder ? There is an interesting article about this on the BBC web site. Link
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Bloglovin - Blog Update Notification Site

2011-10-31T09:37:00.002Z

Apparently it is possible to keep a track of your favourite blogs by subscribing to this site called 'Bloglovin'. It lets you know they have been updated. Link
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The only living master of a dying martial art

2011-10-30T07:47:00.000Z

A former factory worker from the British Midlands may be the last living master of the centuries-old Sikh battlefield art of shastar vidya. The father of four is now engaged in a full-time search for a successor. Link
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Looking at beavers do their thing

2011-10-28T20:08:00.001+01:00

A great clip on U-Tube from the BBC Earth Channel. Definitely worth watching.
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Normandy: Waffen-SS and Paratroopers fighting in Saint-Lo

2011-10-28T19:02:00.001+01:00

Some good footage here of the fighting in Normandy from the German perspective.
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Is the US Declaration of Independence illegal ?

2011-10-27T20:58:00.001+01:00

In Philadelphia, American and British lawyers have debated the legality of America's founding documents. Link
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Friday Humour, Early - "Engineers & Women"

2011-10-25T22:19:00.004+01:00

Saw these today, and thought I'd share :)
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Tiger I - Replica + Tank Overhaul Russian Style

2011-10-22T13:56:00.006+01:00

Chaps, have a look at the pictures in this link of a Tiger I replica that has been built. Awesome looking job it has to be said. Link
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This is short clip of tank overhauls. Sadly it is in Russian so I have no idea what they are saying, but its worth watching nonetheless if you are interested in WW2 Russian tanks.
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Friday Humour, Early - "Politically Incorrect Thoughts!!"

2011-10-17T09:47:00.003+01:00

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My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
-------------------------------------------------
I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.

I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection...

but she did.
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The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with death.
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I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.

I said "You're pulling my leg"
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I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.

They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
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I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!

At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
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My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker.

Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
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What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One’s a superhero and the other is an instruction.
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An old lady is being examined by the Dr. He asks have you ever been bedridden?

She says yes I have and I've been table ended and backskuttled a few times too
-------------------------------------------------
Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse!

Do you think I should change dentists?
-------------------------------------------------
A wife says to her husband you’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect?

You’re in a wheel chair.
-------------------------------------------------
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.

She said i would like to come back as a cow. I said you're obviously not listening.
-------------------------------------------------
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.

So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
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Hi mate i don't want you to panic but I’m texting you from the casualty.

Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was.
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The Luckiest People On Earth

2011-10-17T09:06:00.001+01:00

The title says it all :)
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New Hamster

2011-10-17T08:27:00.005+01:00

Thought I'd share that we have a new Hamster here at the Vulture's Roost. 'Bubbles' a 10 week old male Syrian Hamster has joined the mad house !
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The 1/6th World of Kampfgruppe von Abt - Tiger Tank Maintenance

2011-10-16T08:51:00.002+01:00

Stumbled across this on on U-Tube. A truly awesome modelling job !
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Here we can see a scene from a previous Kampfgruppe von abt diorama shoot showing a Fries Gantry Crane servicing a Tiger Tank whilst a Stug III arrives on the back of an Sd.Ah.116 Trailer, all the models in this scene are 1/6th scale
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New GW Boxed Game - Dreadfleet

2011-10-16T08:19:00.003+01:00

Whilst over visiting family is Crewe, I popped into the local GW shop. After fending off the store assistant three times who wouldn't take 'I'm just browsing thanks' as an answer to his questions over whether I needed help, I was drawn to their latest 'limited production run' offering. At £70 Dreadfleet is not a cheap game to buy, however the models are fabulous and the production values of the rule book and other elements are very high. Although its pitched at a 12+ age group a quick flick through the rule book convinced me that my 9 year old could manage to play it (in some form), so it was out with the credit card :) Just ploughing through the rule book at the moment. I'll post again on how our first game goes. In the meantime check out what Boardgamegeek has to say about it: Link
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WWII Vehicle Maintenance

2011-10-13T21:50:00.002+01:00

Love this little video on U-Tube all about WWII vehicle maintenance. Lots of CCKW trucks on show :)
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Old SSI Computer Games - Free To Download

2011-10-10T09:54:00.003+01:00

This site is hosting old computer wargames done by companies such as SSI. They are free to download. Link
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F-35B Lightning II - First Ship Landing

2011-10-10T09:14:00.003+01:00

The Marine Corps’ F-35B Lightning II made its first landing Monday aboard a Navy warship at sea, the service announced. The hop apparently was uneventful and the landing, aboard the amphibious assault ship USS Wasp, went exactly as predicted. Link
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UK military deaths in Afghanistan

2011-10-10T09:09:00.001+01:00

Lest we forget....
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The UK's military role in Afghanistan since 2001 has not been without its human toll. Members of the Army, RAF, Royal Marines and special forces have lost their lives in the fight against the Taliban. Here, the BBC News website offers a look at who they were and how they died. Link
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Replica Tiger Tank

2011-10-10T08:58:00.003+01:00

Believe it or not a company in Hungary (I think) are making a replica Tiger Tank. They are almost there, just need to sort the tracks out from what I have read. There is a video on U-Tube of the vehicle prior to fitment of the running gear.
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Holme - 1940s Weekend

2011-10-07T00:12:00.007+01:00

After a couple of abortive attempts to take our CCKW 352 truck to local events, plans came good on Sunday when my son and I took a leisurely 10 mile drive to the village of Holme, where a 1940s weekend was being hosted. A refreshingly relaxed affair, the main village road was closed to the public between 10:00 and 16:00 with only ‘vintage traffic’ movements allowed. We pitched up at just after 10 and were directed to find a convenient place to park near Holmewood Hall which was used during the war by the United States Office of Strategic Services (OSS) for packing airborne containers to be parachuted into occupied Europe. The UK of recent has been experiencing some unseasonably hot weather, and Sunday was no exception, so I was grateful to be able to park up near some trees which provided a measure of shade from the suns glare.

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Chatted to lots of folk, including one guy in his seventies who on seeing the truck reminisced with me about being a child of 7 during the war, and going to a local US airbase that was hosting a children’s party. Apparently all the kids were picked up in a CCKW and his memories of them all in the back with the canvas up and the seats down were very strong, and brought a smile to his face as he was relating the story.

There were a few other military vehicle there:

This Leyland 'Hippo' is one massive truck !

It was good to see the odd vehicle there that was slower than ours ! :)

Can’t finish this posting without showing a picture of one of the many vintage vehicles that were on display. I’m a sucker for a nicely maintained vehicle of any type when painted white, but this little Ford Popular car took my breath away for a moment. Simply beautiful :)

All being well we’ll definitely be along next year.

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Grinding The Crack

2011-10-07T00:08:00.001+01:00

An amazing piece of flying this....
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Upper Gereshk: The Helmand Plan Meets Tough Reality

2011-10-05T19:03:00.002+01:00

For anyone who might think that after 10 years in Afghan things should be getting easier, this BBC article makes kinda depressing reading... Link
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German Reunification And The Euro

2011-10-04T20:55:00.002+01:00

Absolutely nothing to do with gaming or military stuff, but I would like to recommend to you my favourite economics blog called Mindful O Money (The social news and knowledge network for the investment community). I don’t pretend to understand a lot of what Shaun Richards writes about, however this guy really does know his stuff and he wrote a fascinating piece on 29 Sep 11 entitled, ‘Did German reunification mean that the original concept of the Euro was doomed to failure?, This makes interesting reading for those wondering about the Euro mess. Link
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Friday Humour - Dog

2011-09-30T20:36:00.001+01:00

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?'

'My wife's.'

'What happened to her?'

The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her'

He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'

The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

'Can I borrow the dog?'

The man replied, 'Get in line.'
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Stalin Line Military Complex, Belaru

2011-09-28T19:23:00.001+01:00

This is quite a jaw dropping article, well worth a read. Link
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Video - 'A Short Trip Out'

2011-09-25T21:05:00.004+01:00

Such a nice September afternoon here in the UK (although a bit windy), took the CCKW truck out for couple of runs. Made a short video of the first :)
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F-15 Ejection at Supersonic Speed

2011-09-24T22:52:00.002+01:00

“People don’t understand what wind does to someone at that speed.”
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This is worth watching guys, make you think...
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SAS war diary: The SAS secret hidden since World War II

2011-09-23T07:35:00.001+01:00

A secret World War II diary of the British special forces unit, the SAS, has been kept hidden since it was created in 1946. Now it's being published for the first time to mark the 70th anniversary of the regiment. The BBC has exclusive access to the remarkable piece of history. Link
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Friday Humour, Early - "HELL EXPLAINED" +"AN EVENTFUL MARRIAGE"

2011-09-22T20:30:00.003+01:00

HELL EXPLAINED

BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

=================================================

Manual for an Eventful Marriage

Chapter 1 – 101 Ways to Start a Fight
- The first 10.
________________________________

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....
________________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'. So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...
________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....
________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...
________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. It was always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush and said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
_______________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...
________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and then I discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed….. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...
________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......
_______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office... She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...
________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started....
_______________________________________

Sherman Tank With Concrete Armour

2011-09-21T23:23:00.003+01:00

Whilst browsing the Historic Military Vehicle (HMV) forums I came across this thread about Sherman tanks with several inches of concrete being applied to the hull front. I've never read or seen anything about this before. Link
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2011-09-18T22:41:00.002+01:00

Here's an intersting little article comparing the new Space Marine computer game with the 40k figure game. Link
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Here's the trailer for those who haven't seen it yet.
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My son has a copy for the X-Box, graphically its pretty stunning. As for game play, the jury is still out as far as I'm concerned. Need to see youngster playing it some more.
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Scimitar Tank Upgrade

2011-09-17T10:07:00.003+01:00

Saw this article about the Scimiar, and was impressed with how 'tooled up' such a small vehicle can be.
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The Scimitar Mark 2 Combat Vehicle Reconnaissance (Tracked) has gone operational on Operation HERRICK 14 and is currently being used by the 9th/12th Royal Lancers in Lash Durai Junction, Helmand province [Picture: Petty Officer (Photographer) Hamish Burke, Crown Copyright/MOD 2011]

The up-armoured vehicles are giving extra protection to the soldiers of the 9th/12th Royal Lancers, as they provide security in the Nahr-e Saraj (North) district of Helmand province.

The main task of the 9th/12th Royal Lancers is to overwatch the battlespace either side of Highways 1 and 611, the two main supply routes that run through the Task Force Helmand area of operations.

BAE Systems has upgraded the armour on all five vehicles that make up the CVR(T) family - Scimitar, Spartan, Samson, Sultan and Samaritan - through an Urgent Operational Requirement process worth around £30m. CVR(T) is on display in the UK for the first time this week at the DSEi defence and security equipment show, currently taking place in London.

As part of the contract, the vehicles have been re-hulled to give better mine-blast protection for troops, and improved armour added for enhanced resistance to blasts and ballistics, as well as new mine-blast protection seating in every position in every variant. Other enhancements include repositioned foot controls and a revamped fuel system.

The Scimitar Mark 2 has been re-hulled and up-armoured for improved protection from blasts and projectiles, with repositioned foot controls and a revamped fuel system for a better driving experience [Picture: Petty Officer (Photographer) Hamish Burke, Crown Copyright/MOD 2011]

Scimitar Mark 2 builds on a number of upgrades that have previously been made to the CVR(T), which address the problems experienced while operating in the harsh Afghan environment. These previous upgrades have included improved power output, new gearboxes and transmissions, air-conditioning, improved communications, air filters and night-vision systems.
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M10 Achilles Restoration

2011-09-15T20:25:00.002+01:00

Came across this thread on the Historic Military vehicle forum about an M10 Achilles tank destroyer undergoing restoration. What an amazing job they did of it. Link. Awesome turn of speed on it as well ! Check out the vid below !
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Hitler's Atlantic Wall: Should France preserve it?

2011-09-13T05:45:00.004+01:00

Sections of Hitler's Atlantic Wall are being restored by French enthusiasts. But should the Nazi fortification be fully embraced as part of the country's heritage ? Check out the BBC web site for an interesting article on this. Link
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Death Of Andy Whitfield

2011-09-12T10:10:00.004+01:00

Slightly gutted today to hear that Andy Whitfield (39) who was the lead in the first episode of Spartacus died yesterday from Cancer. Link
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Here's a great clip from the show:

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Humour - How To Give A Cat A Pill

2011-09-12T08:07:00.004+01:00

Just had this sent to me. As someone who has owned a cat, I recognised a lot of this ! LOL
============================

How to Give a Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in rightï hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.
Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink beer to take taste away. Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPC A to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
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35 Top Oxymoron's

2011-09-11T22:22:00.002+01:00

35. State worker
34. Legally drunk
33. Exact estimate
32. Act naturally
31. Found missing
30. Resident alien
29. Genuine imitation
28. Airline Food
27. Good grief
26. Government organization
25. Sanitary landfill
24. Alone together
23. Small crowd
22. Business ethics
21. Soft rock
20. Butt Head
19. Military Intelligence
18. Sweet sorrow
17. Rural Metro (ambulance service)
16. "Now, then ..."
15. Passive aggression
14. Clearly misunderstood
13. Peace force
12. Extinct Life
11. Plastic glasses
10. Terribly pleased
9. Computer security
8. Political science
7. Tight slacks
6. Definite maybe
5. Pretty ugly
4. Rap music
3. Working vacation
2. Religious tolerance

And the number one top Oxymoron.... 1. Microsoft Works
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